"A close and healthy relationship between a parent and child does often require that both people are able to bring a certain amount of resiliency to the relationship. They have to be able to manage their moods and not rely on the other for more validation than the other can reasonably provide." (Rules of Estrangement)

Repair - mend something from damage or a fault.
Restoration - returning something to a former place or condition.
Reconciliation - making a view or belief compatible with another.

For those who are believers in Scripture, there is a commandment which appears in both the Old and New Testaments. "Honor your father and mother." The Hebrew word Honor is "Kavod," which means "to give weight to." In our vernacular it means- "Don't treat it lightly."

I find it interesting how God gives us directives in relationships. Love God with all your heart. Children obey your parents. Fathers, do not provoke your children. Honor mother and father. All of those have different actions. None of those verbs argue against boundaries, but they do argue against walls.

To repair, restore and reconcile, require the adult child and the parent to want the same thing, but not at the expense of the other.

These suggestions can be helpful toward renewing the relationship.

• Share what you're willing to do or not do, without attacking, accusing, labeling or judging.
• Acknowledge that each have important things to share and say. However disrespectful tone, or insinuation will create difficulties toward moving forward.
• Acknowledge a feeling with "I see how that would make you feel." This says you are listening without accusing, attacking, judging or labeling.
• Ask for specifics as to what has created the issue.
• Own your contribution to the issue.
• Be in control of your own emotions, not theirs.

This problem is not foreign to me. I experienced serious conflict with my mother. It was hard and there were times when my boundaries got stronger, making consequences painful. In all of it, I still needed to do my part to honor; not the behavior, but the assigned position God gave her. What she did with that position was not my responsibility. What I did with mine toward her, fell directly on me.